Dumb Laws

Okay, so I finally got some sleep and I'm ready to go again...I think.

Today, I'm looking at dumb laws.  I'm typically a law-abiding citizen (I speed sometimes), so I want to make sure that I know where my boundaries are.  In the state that I live in, some of the laws I must follow are:

You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Well, I own zero dildos, so: check.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.

No speeding with a red mask on: got it.

No more than six girls may live in any house.
Only 3 girls live in my house: good to go.

It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
No missing teeth for me: thank goodness.

Whew! Looks like I won't be sent off to the slam any time soon.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Structured Format - (Topics +Time + Imagination) = To Hell With It

All right.  I gave my little gimmicky format a good run.  I wanted to challenge myself to stick to a particular format with this blog so I didn't find myself in a desperate rut and post crap like:

What did I learn today?  Life sucks.

  or

The world's youngest parents were from China in 1910.  They were 8 and 9.

The 5-point "lesson" was the reason most of my posts got deleted.  It worked out well enough that the damn blog didn't stall out.  Most of the time, though, I could only raise 2 or 3 good thoughts on the topic I wanted to address, so into the scrap heap it went.

So today's lesson:  It's time to retire that particular style. 

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe (I'm keeping my signature.)

Lack Of Internet + Lack Of Time x Lack Of Ambition = Lack Of Writing

Today's lesson:  This last week has been horrible at work and at home.  I've opened up my Blogger dashboard a few times this last week just to stare stupidly at it for about an hour, and then close it back up again.  That is, whenever I could even get on the internet....

What did I learn?

• Well, for one, I learned that I'll write no matter what.  I just won't do it here.  I found an online tutorial for writing HTML.  I'm not that far, and the lessons are not all that sophisticated, but I thought it would be to my advantage to learn something about it.  It was posted up in 2000, but it still seems to work well.  So far anyway, I'm only on lesson 8d.
• My computer has a button that connects/disconnects me with the network.  Huh.  It's a shiny blue button that my kids like to mash.  That's nice to know.
• Mr. A has been trying to entice me into playing an online game with him.  I like video games, but I typically shy away from playing games with 1/2 the world.  This game, however, has a character builder that appeals to my super tedious nature. I don't have so much fun playing the game, but I'm having a great time making characters and then deleting them.
• There is no 3 Strikes Law for when illness hits me, my home and my work at the same time.  Oh, and for some reason, everyone else that's sick gets to take time off from work, but not me.
• My kids can smell weakness, fear and exhaustion.  I have the bite marks to prove it.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Dentist - Sadism = Human Being

Today's lesson:  I really hate going to the dentist.  I've been putting off my cleanings and exams for longer than I'd like to admit.  My teeth are really not in bad shape in spite of this, but I did have a broken tooth (resulting from my last dentist) and needed a crown.  Today was the build-up and temporary.

What did I learn?

• My mouth is "teeny-tiny" it took them 15 minutes to find a tray that fit.  They referred to it as "the baby tray".  (Try telling that to my husband.  He thinks I have a big, fat mouth.)
• When I smile, I show most of my teeth.  You have no idea how self-conscious I am now.
• I had a habit of running my tongue over the broken tooth.  Wow.  I'm really creeped out by the fact that I had a quirk - potentially for years - and had no idea.
• The assistant who worked with me has had more dental work done than I have.  I'm not sure how to feel about that.
• My dentist is a great guy.  He actually called me at the end of his day to make sure I was doing fine.  Now, I'm a patient for life.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Leadership - Communication = Punishment

This lesson: This week was a really bad one at work.  Someone was off for vacation.  Another was off sick with a particularly virulent strain of the flu.  One was off "sick" because...she didn't want to be left out I guess.  In my opinion, the type of week that makes or breaks a group of employees as a team.  All was well....except when my manager was in the office.

What did I learn?

• When she barks orders and then takes the rest of the day off without clarifying, I'm better off just ignoring the orders all together.  Trying to do my interpretation of what she was requesting got the whole team in trouble.
• According to her, if at first, second, third or fourth you don't succeed, 2 more tries should do it.
• Scheduling us all to stay an hour later for 2 days out of the week so we can fail some more at her "master plan" accomplishes nothing except to breed resentment by all parties.
• Having us all stay late doesn't cut into her social calendar.  She's the exception to all of her rules.
• When she runs around the office putting out conflicting information to all the employees, somehow that's my fault.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe