Awkwardness

Today I learned that doing my job formally is much, much easier than doing it informally.  As a part of my job, I often coach other people in my position.  I routinely visit them in their offices and assist them with their work.  I also audit their work.

Last month, I was asked by my manager to do this in an informal (undocumented, unofficial) capacity at one of our other offices.  When my purpose is set with the corporate knowledge that I'm going into a place to look at their processes, review their forms and guide their management accordingly, it's a cinch. 

I am armed with the tools that I need to do the job properly: checklists, information packets, samplings of appropriate forms and examples of completed work.  I had none of those things today. 

It was explained to me by my manager that my purpose would be to exclusively run through our Policy Audit point by point and mark any discrepancies.  When I called the subject of today's scrutiny, she had forgotten that I was coming over and had no idea why I was there.

So I have to ask: why was I there again?  She obviously didn't ask for my help.  I wasn't scheduled to be there.  Her claimed to be interested in hearing what I would have to say, but he wasn't even there. 

What a waste of time.  Since she doesn't care that I'm even there or not, today just ended up as an excuse to hang out at her office.  I looked at some of her forms and could understand why her manager would be concerned, but he obviously wasn't concerned enough to make an appearance.  She certainly doesn't give a rat's ass that she's screwing her job up, so why waste my breath?

Next time an 'opportunity' to embark on this type of assignment comes around, I will respectfully decline.  Either that, or respectfully catch the 24-hour flu.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Lack Of Internet + Lack Of Time x Lack Of Ambition = Lack Of Writing

Today's lesson:  This last week has been horrible at work and at home.  I've opened up my Blogger dashboard a few times this last week just to stare stupidly at it for about an hour, and then close it back up again.  That is, whenever I could even get on the internet....

What did I learn?

• Well, for one, I learned that I'll write no matter what.  I just won't do it here.  I found an online tutorial for writing HTML.  I'm not that far, and the lessons are not all that sophisticated, but I thought it would be to my advantage to learn something about it.  It was posted up in 2000, but it still seems to work well.  So far anyway, I'm only on lesson 8d.
• My computer has a button that connects/disconnects me with the network.  Huh.  It's a shiny blue button that my kids like to mash.  That's nice to know.
• Mr. A has been trying to entice me into playing an online game with him.  I like video games, but I typically shy away from playing games with 1/2 the world.  This game, however, has a character builder that appeals to my super tedious nature. I don't have so much fun playing the game, but I'm having a great time making characters and then deleting them.
• There is no 3 Strikes Law for when illness hits me, my home and my work at the same time.  Oh, and for some reason, everyone else that's sick gets to take time off from work, but not me.
• My kids can smell weakness, fear and exhaustion.  I have the bite marks to prove it.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Leadership - Communication = Punishment

This lesson: This week was a really bad one at work.  Someone was off for vacation.  Another was off sick with a particularly virulent strain of the flu.  One was off "sick" because...she didn't want to be left out I guess.  In my opinion, the type of week that makes or breaks a group of employees as a team.  All was well....except when my manager was in the office.

What did I learn?

• When she barks orders and then takes the rest of the day off without clarifying, I'm better off just ignoring the orders all together.  Trying to do my interpretation of what she was requesting got the whole team in trouble.
• According to her, if at first, second, third or fourth you don't succeed, 2 more tries should do it.
• Scheduling us all to stay an hour later for 2 days out of the week so we can fail some more at her "master plan" accomplishes nothing except to breed resentment by all parties.
• Having us all stay late doesn't cut into her social calendar.  She's the exception to all of her rules.
• When she runs around the office putting out conflicting information to all the employees, somehow that's my fault.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Full Moon + Triple-Digit Heat = Stupid People

This lesson: I don't know what was happening yesterday at work, but I was blessed with the privilege of being present for some of the dumbest things I've ever heard people utter in my life.

What did I learn?

• If we ask customers to identify themselves, it's only because our "office is small." Yep, if we had another 500 sq. ft. of space, we would know who you were. Brilliant idea.
• Receipts are for the "anal." We require receipts for some of our services because, as a company that deals in finances, we don't guess at dollar figures. That's what you pay us for, dork. So when you call us "anal" because we won't take your word that one of your items was for "about" $3.95, excuse me while I still insist on the receipt.
• Student ID that expired 18 years ago is "good enough for the police." I would love to watch that play out. I really would.
• "The credit card company lowered my spending limit. I'll show them, I just won't pay them." Direct quote. I'm interested to know if that pays off.
• It's not legal to charge fees. That's right. Any business who charges for services rendered is doing so illegally according to this guy. Let's shut 'em all down!
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Broken Machinery + Repairmen + Me = A Long Week

This week's lesson: Stupid cheap machines are always breaking down at work. One in particular this last week. This is a big part of the reason why I'm brain dead.

What did I learn?

• No matter how many times I tell my staff how to call for service - and how many times I write it down everywhere - the information mysteriously vanishes and it's up to me to save the day.
• If the repairman turns the machine off, then turns it back on again, doesn't test it, proudly proclaims, "Well, it's fixed!" before he runs out the door.... then I should just go ahead and call for the next repair before he hits his truck. It'll save some time and aggravation.
  
• The repairmen can only come either during my lunch or at 10 minutes to closing time.
• If a repairman gives you his business card just throw it in the trash. You have to call the Service Department anyway, so what good is it to have a card?
  
• If the machine in question has looked exactly the same every day for the last 6 years, then all of a sudden something is wrong, the problem has to do with the part that looks different. Well, in all fairness, I knew that right away. It took the repair guy 1 & 1/2 hours and a consultation to figure it out. Don't argue with me buddy. I might not have gone to machine repair school, but I have eyes and a brain. Sometimes they like to coordinate.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Sudden Illness - Ability To Keep It To Myself = Instant Hypochondriac Pity Party For Coworkers

The Lesson: I haven't been feeling well for a while now. Just a sore throat, not anything real serious. Then today after lunch:

I don't know if it's the cold or a sinus infection, but all of a sudden I felt like I was made of lead weights. My throat flared up full-force. My nasal passages have that weird dry-but-full feeling and my head and eyes ache.

No sooner had I gotten past the denial stage, then I did something terribly dumb: I mentioned it out loud. Cue the old man and the Munchausen lady.


What did I learn?

• Viruses can be verbally transmitted.
• Everyone else's sickness is somehow worse than mine. Even though they were just fine 5 minutes ago.
• Fake sickness is far more dibilitating than real sickness. Within 2 hours, they were carrying on like they were barely conscious and they went home early.
• Leftover pizza does not go over well with a sore throat.
• When I'm too tired to get up and find the remote, my 3 year old will watch Family Guy. "Mama, where puppy go?" Well, they threw the puppy out of the window and shot it....
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe