Doesn't That Figure

I went back to the My Heritage site because it has all kinds of fun little doohickies to play with.

This time, I did the Look-Alike Meter. This will tell you if your child looks more like mom or dad. Before I did this, I always thought that my daughter looked more like her dad and my son looked more like me. Now I know:

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

I will save these as a reference for the next time Mr. A complains that the children don't resemble him at all and starts asking questions about the mailman. (Our mailman is a woman, by the way...)

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Something I Did Want To Know....

This was my celebrity look-alike photo collage from MyHeritage.com:

I uploaded my photo



And this is what it came up with





I swear I didn't cheat! And just to be fair, I will admit that the format for the collage I chose only allows for 8 of my look-alikes to appear. The other 2 that I did not include:

Antonio Banderas
Jared Padalecki

I mean, at least they were hot guys, but seriously....


"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Today's Horoscope

1. 
   

   Taurus (4/20-5/20)

   You're the master of ceremonies. You're a fountain of cheerfulness. You're slated to have big fun no matter what you end up doing with yourself. Since you probably went over all the possibilities in your last slow moment, you're ready to move as soon as the mood hits you. Maybe you're up for a fresh attack on a project that once defeated you. Maybe you'll paint bright colors all over something that usually bores you to tears. Whatever you do, do it with gusto.
   

 Dead on, horoscope.  Dead on.  What did I do today?

• Slept until 9:15.
• Turned on my fountain.
• Built houses in Sims 3.
• Washed some of the kids' clothes.
• Checked my email.

But I did do it all with gusto.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Alcohol + Video Games x Old Age = A Megaton Of Regret

This lesson: It's all about why I don't normally drink. In 1999, I was celebrating New Year and I partied a little too hard and got alcohol poisoning. Well, what do you want? The world was supposed to end. I got ripped off.

Flash forward to today, 10 years later and I still can't really drink right. I get sick whenever I smell alcohol.

What did I learn?

• When I mix Smirnoff Vanilla with Kahlua in Coke, there is no alcohol smell. Only vanilla and coke.
  
• It only took 3 glasses of this to get me completely wasted. Incidentally, it also got me curled up in a cold sweat on the bathroom floor this morning.
  
• Outlaw Golf for the Xbox is tons of fun. It's even more fun when you're wasted.
• Steve Carell is the announcer for Outlaw Golf. I wonder what they would have to pay him for that same gig today...
• Playing video games until 4:00 in the morning when you know your kids will wake up anytime after 5:00 is beyond stupid.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Blogging - Stepford Mommy Mentality = Enjoyable Reading

Today's Lesson: I'm kind of fucked in the head. As if that's a shocker. I have this weird sort of disdain for mommies who are too into their house and kids. I try to figure out what my problem is when everyone else gets excited about a $1.50 off of Tide or a new garbanzo bean recipe. I spent some time this week intentionally reading other mommy blogs. Why? (Seriously, why?)

What did I learn?

• Not only do other mommies get excited about these things, they actually blog about them. Like, entire paragraphs. Ugh. The next time I get sucked into looking at a blog called Exciting Extra-Fantastic Adventures Of Wonder Mom And Super Kids (I'm trying to make up a name, so if this is your blog....get over it) and it ends up being about trips to the Farmer's Market and homeschooling, I'm going to learn how to hack into the page and change the name to Captain Lame-o's Family's Unfortunate Non-Happenings.


• Celebrity blogs are about endorsements. I haven't read one yet that doesn't have an obvious product placement.


• There's an awful lot of TV show complaints in the mommy blog world. I've officially lost count of how many bloggers are discussing Jon & Kate +8. All of them are along the same vein: "this show is completely ridiculous...jon is too passive...kate is a witch....I don't know why I watch every show...blah, blah, blah." Um, stop watching the show then. I watched one episode, I hated it, I never watched it again. This has been a general, life-long peeve of mine. No one forces you to watch a TV show/watch a movie/listen to music. If there's nothing at all enjoyable about it, turn it off or quit your bitching. You don't get to eat the moldy leftovers then bitch about the food poisoning.


• Not all the shopping blogs are about saving money on useful items, such as that Tide I was making fun of. Tide is actually useful, I just can't get excited about it. Most of them that I've come across are about stuff like jeans, spa treatments, squid art (yep), and Slurpees. While I like looking at squid art in a spa while wearing jeans and drinking a Slurpee, I'm just drawing a blank trying to picture the person who looks forward to reading about how to save 20% on them.


• There are rare few mommy blogs that are written intelligently, entertaining, can depict home life without bogging the reader down with Home Ec. lessons (unless you have tips on how to get runny poop out of 6-inch shag, then I need to be your friend) and take a truly realistic approach to writing about their kids. Kudos to you! Go forth and clone thyself.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Bored Preschooler + Computer = TMI About Elmo Potty Habits

This Lesson: sesamestreet.org is a lot of fun for kids, but some of their games are a little crazy. Tonight my daughter played Elmo's Potty Time.

What did I learn?

• Going potty in the supermarket is a special adventure! (it's called scabies Elmo)


• Elmo and Zoe cannot possibly play "Doctor, Lumberjack and Astronaut" without Baby Bear. (that game does not sound wholesome)


• Elmo's daddy is kind of stingy about reading really loud so that Elmo can hear his story while he's going potty.


• When you're on Young McElmo's farm, you see a llama.


• When clowns have to go potty, they like to have the kids hold their suspiciously penis-like balloon animals.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

My Employees = Hell's Angels' Prissy Little Sisters

The Lesson: Whenever your 18/19 year old employees tell you, "Don't ask." you should just take their word for it.

What did I learn?

• When my boys are bored at work, they form ridiculous motorcycle gangs.


• The guard is helping them find recruits.


• The name of their gang? The Hissy Pussies. Like I said: don't ask.


• Their uniform will consist of helmets that have fake cat ears and a pull-string noise box (think old style baby dolls) that makes a hissy cat noise when you pull it.


• While this country is facing one of the worst economic crises since the Great Depression and people with families are having a hard time getting jobs at McDonalds, these kids are getting paid to map out the destiny of The Hissy Pussies. Kinda makes you sick when you think about it.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe