Full Moon + Triple-Digit Heat = Stupid People

This lesson: I don't know what was happening yesterday at work, but I was blessed with the privilege of being present for some of the dumbest things I've ever heard people utter in my life.

What did I learn?

• If we ask customers to identify themselves, it's only because our "office is small." Yep, if we had another 500 sq. ft. of space, we would know who you were. Brilliant idea.
• Receipts are for the "anal." We require receipts for some of our services because, as a company that deals in finances, we don't guess at dollar figures. That's what you pay us for, dork. So when you call us "anal" because we won't take your word that one of your items was for "about" $3.95, excuse me while I still insist on the receipt.
• Student ID that expired 18 years ago is "good enough for the police." I would love to watch that play out. I really would.
• "The credit card company lowered my spending limit. I'll show them, I just won't pay them." Direct quote. I'm interested to know if that pays off.
• It's not legal to charge fees. That's right. Any business who charges for services rendered is doing so illegally according to this guy. Let's shut 'em all down!
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Broken Machinery + Repairmen + Me = A Long Week

This week's lesson: Stupid cheap machines are always breaking down at work. One in particular this last week. This is a big part of the reason why I'm brain dead.

What did I learn?

• No matter how many times I tell my staff how to call for service - and how many times I write it down everywhere - the information mysteriously vanishes and it's up to me to save the day.
• If the repairman turns the machine off, then turns it back on again, doesn't test it, proudly proclaims, "Well, it's fixed!" before he runs out the door.... then I should just go ahead and call for the next repair before he hits his truck. It'll save some time and aggravation.
  
• The repairmen can only come either during my lunch or at 10 minutes to closing time.
• If a repairman gives you his business card just throw it in the trash. You have to call the Service Department anyway, so what good is it to have a card?
  
• If the machine in question has looked exactly the same every day for the last 6 years, then all of a sudden something is wrong, the problem has to do with the part that looks different. Well, in all fairness, I knew that right away. It took the repair guy 1 & 1/2 hours and a consultation to figure it out. Don't argue with me buddy. I might not have gone to machine repair school, but I have eyes and a brain. Sometimes they like to coordinate.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Talking Out Of Your Ass - Imagination = The News

The Lesson: I don't normally watch the news. Aside from the fact that they typically just cycle through the same 5 stories, but they choose to break those up with "news of the weird" stories that no one cares about. Not that this is news to anyone.

What did I learn?

• In Israel, some chicks ran in heels. Incidentally, I do this all the time and it never gets covered on the news.
• Some hallucinating wackos think they see the Virgin Mary in bird poop.
• "Coming up after the break: A man who took the plunge...out of an airplane." It's called skydiving, idiot.
• Some kid who sailed around the world "might just be an adventurer."
• The lead in: "Some kids get a chance to entertain their inner wizard." The story: Some kids go to a camp where they play with frogs. The name of the camp: Frogwarts.
  

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe