After The Warranty

I've spent my vacation watching everything in the house fall apart around me.

• My TV.  We bought it 7 years ago.  For the last 2 years, it's been acting up a little.  There have been times when there were red spots coming out the right side of the screen.  That was easy to ignore.  Then on Tuesday the screen went dark.  Not all the way black, just dark.  Ugh.  This is where I find out that all of my shows are shot in dim lighting.  Time for a new TV.
  
• My dryer.  It came free with the house.  We didn't have a particular attachment to it. It dries our clothes.  Until it doesn't.  There are some loads now that have to go through the thing 2 or 3 times.  This is one that we're going to ride out until the thing finally dies.  I am not looking forward to replacing it.  Every woman knows (and Mr. A is about to find out) that you don't replace just the washer or just the dryer.  You get them as a set so they match.  Yes, it is important.  Your laundry comes out mutated when your washer and dryer don't match.
• My vacuum.  This one pisses me off because I just bought the thing.  I tried cleaning my dining room rug last night and the damn thing just sucked up all the dirt, then spit it back onto the floor next to the rug.  Lame!  We cleaned all the filters this morning in hopes that it was just being pissy because it was full of crap. We'll see.
• My microwave.  It took me 2 minutes to nuke something that the instructions say should only take --at max-- 55 seconds.  If we have to replace the microwave, it will be the 3rd one we've had in the last 5 years.  Contrary to what that statement would imply, we don't actually do a hell of a lot of cooking in the thing.  We mostly use it to heat crap up or reheat leftovers.  I'm seriously thinking of not replacing the stupid thing.
  

 Of course, all this crap is breaking down right before Christmas, but right after we've already spent some good money on gifts.  Gifts that can't be taken back, naturally. 

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Today's Horoscope

1. 
   

   Taurus (4/20-5/20)

   You're the master of ceremonies. You're a fountain of cheerfulness. You're slated to have big fun no matter what you end up doing with yourself. Since you probably went over all the possibilities in your last slow moment, you're ready to move as soon as the mood hits you. Maybe you're up for a fresh attack on a project that once defeated you. Maybe you'll paint bright colors all over something that usually bores you to tears. Whatever you do, do it with gusto.
   

 Dead on, horoscope.  Dead on.  What did I do today?

• Slept until 9:15.
• Turned on my fountain.
• Built houses in Sims 3.
• Washed some of the kids' clothes.
• Checked my email.

But I did do it all with gusto.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

It's Different When It's Your Kid

How much do you want to bet?

My entire life, I've found body fluids horrifically disgusting.  Blood, pee, vomit, whatever.  I can't deal with it.  I put off having kids for years and years (for many reasons) knowing that I would have to deal with all of this stuff if I changed my mind and had them.

Now, I've got a 3 1/2 year old girl with a very upset stomach.  I'm by myself today, so I can't pawn the puke puddles off on Mr. A or his grandma like I usually do. 

The thing that makes me feel the worst is that I can't even snuggle my little girl right now (something that she desperately needs) because when she starts puking again I have to run away.

So this lesson:

Whoever said "It's different when it's your kid," lied.  It's no different, and I would say that it's actually worse.  Kids are constantly leaking some fluid or other and you really don't have a choice but to clean it up.  Blech.


"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Men Aren't From Mars

Men aren't from Mars.  They're lazy, conniving jerks.  "Harsh!"  "Gosh, what man-hating vileness!"  Naw, I don't think so.  So here's the warning for anyone who might not like what I'm about to say (men).  I'm mad at everyone with a Y chromosome today and it's not going to get better until I get it off my chest.

This just has to be the oldest con in recorded history and, personally, I'm tired of perpetuating it.  If you perceive the Bible to have recorded the beginning of human history, then the first example of this was when Adam was too damn lazy to get his own frickin' food and sent Eve out to stumble upon the forbidden fruit.  I'm sure in the Adam and Eve house after that day, there was a lot of guilt-tripping going on.  "Well, Eve, you did get us kicked out of paradise.  The least you could do for a homeless fella is gather up some food."  The guilt was, most likely passed down through generations.

At some point, we started making excuses for men.  This thing or that thing ended up being "a guy thing."  (Funny how "guy things" are fun, involve lots of beer and little actual labor.)  So women worked hard to take care of all the cooking, cleaning, baby-raising because "it's just not a guy thing."

Well, then some lame-brain mad scientist had to go blame it on the way their brain works.  Shenanigans! No one really knows how the brain works.  There are a lot of awesome theories and general mapping locked down, sure, but I don't want to hear another yo-yo tell me which mental focuses are more or less likely to occur based on gender.  Again, shenanigans!!  (It might actually be true, but I just really like the word 'shenanigans'.)

Let's take a look at some of these myths:

Myth #1: Men aren't nurturing.

I particularly hate this one.  Men may not get all weepy and huggy like women do, but that doesn't mean that they don't care and are incapable of the patience or desire to help support others.  'Nurturing' is defined as:

–verb (used with object)

1.	to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.

2.	to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.

3.	to bring up; train; educate.

–noun

4.	rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.	development: the nurture of young artists.

6.	something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

(dictionary.reference.com)

Other than the words 'support' and 'encourage', I don't see anything in the definition that would indicate a required sense of compassion.  Men provide for their families all the time.  They occasionally have the heavier hand in raising children.  A good many men are educators; and extraordinary amount of coaches are men.

So, in Myth #1, you may now substitute the phrase: "Men aren't nurturing." for the more appropriate: "[Said man] does not want to deal with either your whiny ass or the day-to-day care of any applicable children."  This is a much more accurate statement, but I will concede that it is much, much longer.  It's probably the real reason that the "men aren't nurturing" myth prevails.  It's easier to say.

Myth #2: Men need detailed instruction.

They're not mind-readers you know!  While the mind-reader thing is not untrue, the part about the needing the detailed instruction is false to the 4th power.

Men don't need detailed instruction, so much as they want it.  There are a few reasons for this: 1) it lends them a convenient excuse not to have done some necessary thing; 2) they want women to set the parameters, so they can look for loopholes to get what they want.  It's actually devilishly clever.

Myth #3: Men are bad listeners.

Take it from me, nothing can be farther from the truth.  Men are actually some of the best listeners, because they're also fixers.  So, instead of a sympathetic cluck in your ear and a pat on your shoulder, you're going to get some solutions that might just take care of your problems.  This is why I tend to befriend either dudes or chicks who think like dudes.

No, when men aren't listening to you, it's the same reason that I'm not listening to you: because they frankly have no interest in what you're saying.  You're boring the shit out of them.

So, really when this is done, the man-hating was kept at a minimum, but I don't feel like choking anything with a penis anymore.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Awkwardness

Today I learned that doing my job formally is much, much easier than doing it informally.  As a part of my job, I often coach other people in my position.  I routinely visit them in their offices and assist them with their work.  I also audit their work.

Last month, I was asked by my manager to do this in an informal (undocumented, unofficial) capacity at one of our other offices.  When my purpose is set with the corporate knowledge that I'm going into a place to look at their processes, review their forms and guide their management accordingly, it's a cinch. 

I am armed with the tools that I need to do the job properly: checklists, information packets, samplings of appropriate forms and examples of completed work.  I had none of those things today. 

It was explained to me by my manager that my purpose would be to exclusively run through our Policy Audit point by point and mark any discrepancies.  When I called the subject of today's scrutiny, she had forgotten that I was coming over and had no idea why I was there.

So I have to ask: why was I there again?  She obviously didn't ask for my help.  I wasn't scheduled to be there.  Her claimed to be interested in hearing what I would have to say, but he wasn't even there. 

What a waste of time.  Since she doesn't care that I'm even there or not, today just ended up as an excuse to hang out at her office.  I looked at some of her forms and could understand why her manager would be concerned, but he obviously wasn't concerned enough to make an appearance.  She certainly doesn't give a rat's ass that she's screwing her job up, so why waste my breath?

Next time an 'opportunity' to embark on this type of assignment comes around, I will respectfully decline.  Either that, or respectfully catch the 24-hour flu.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe