Something I Did Want To Know....

This was my celebrity look-alike photo collage from MyHeritage.com:

I uploaded my photo



And this is what it came up with





I swear I didn't cheat! And just to be fair, I will admit that the format for the collage I chose only allows for 8 of my look-alikes to appear. The other 2 that I did not include:

Antonio Banderas
Jared Padalecki

I mean, at least they were hot guys, but seriously....


"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Drunken Mario

Mr. A and I are not a cutesy, hand-holding kind of couple.  As a matter of fact, our quality time usually consists of getting plastered and trying to kick each others ass.

At games.  All in good fun, I assure you.

Last night was New Super Mario Bros. Wii night at the Awesomehouse.  Specifically, the Coin Battle mode.  Time to get our game vocab straight:

Cock-ass: Congratulatory term for the winner of the round.  In a sentence, it would sound like, "You fucking cock-ass!  I would have won that one if you didn't push me off the cliff."

Which brings us to...

Buddy fucker: Phrase used to describe the player with the winningest spirit.  Buddy fucker has what it takes to win the game and not let anyone else stand in their way.  Used in a sentence, "Why did you get the mushroom and the flower?!  Dude, you're a total buddy fucker!"  May occasionally be substituted with "cock blocker".

And let's not forget the all-important...

Cheatin'-ass bitch:  This phrase can be used to describe either a male or female player.  Please note, however, that it is funnier if you use it to describe a male.  You would use it in any instance in which the other player is just completely annihilating you on the scoreboard.  Unless you're Mr. A and you're completely drunk.  Then you would use it to describe the player who dies every 5 seconds because, she too, is completely drunk.  "You totally got, like, 8 coins on your way into the lava.  Cheatin'-ass bitch!"

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Minus Clever Theme = Mindless Rambling Monday

I'm not making fun, I swear, but I struggle with finding something that I can focus on to make a post.  I keep scrolling through my blogroll -- the out-of-control laundry list that it's become -- and am bombarded by day-themed titles assault me with their productiveness.  (I'm so lazy and disengaged from this post that I'm not even looking at this when I type, I'm trying to catch The Office.  Which is why my dumb ass doesn't get any writing done.)

Mistaken Identity Monday, Terrible Haircut Tuesday, Wacked-Out Store Clerk Wednesday....
I can't commit to that, but I did look for help elsewhere just to get helpful hints like:

Describe what you see in this photo. Describe what you don't see-- the interior. Describe the person who comes out of the place. What does the person do?

 I see a shack that was probably nailed together by dwarves or ginger kids.  The interior is coated with a 6-inch thick layer of petrified maple syrup.  There is only one room in the shack, and it's currently occupied by gnus that eat nothing but cheese curds.  The person that comes out of this place is...obviously lost.  It's a maple gnu shack and there's nothing for him here.  Then he remembers the cheese curds.  He thinks he can take the gnus in a fair fight.

See, I can do this!  Next!

The chimpanzee is looking into your face. What is she trying to say? What is your response? 

 

Chimp: "Feed me or I'll rip your face off!"

Awesomeness: "Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!"

What did I learn today?  I don't take writing exercises very seriously and I have no imagination.  I'm also too lazy to write anything worth reading.


Is it cheating if I already knew that yesterday?


"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

How 'Bout A Nice Warm Glass Of 'Shut The Hell Up'?

If I knew it was that easy, I would have done it a long time ago.  Oh, the peace!  Oh, the quiet!  Today I figured out how to simultaneously shut my husband up and get him to stop bitching to me about what the kids are doing.

Mr. Awesomeness:  I just want you to know that your son just ate your daughter's shoe.  I took it from his hand, which is covered in poop.  Also, all of the baby wipes are on the floor.

Awesomeness: *Blank stare* And....? (Ladies and gentlemen, this happens every day at 4:30.  It's not going to end up on the news.)

Mr. Awesomeness:  Well, I know you're in the zone over there ... *waves a snide hand in a circular motion toward my lunch and laptop*... but you should probably be checking on these kids every now and then.

Awesomeness:  Well I'd hate to do that because then I'd have to raise my allowance.  These kids have 2 parents and I'm not their babysitter.  Your son was also doing these things while you were on your computer and eating lunch.

Mr. Awesomeness: ...................

That's right, suck it.

P.S. As I'm writing this, he comes into the room and tells me:

You know, I was so distracted by the wanton destruction and lack of supervision that I forgot to wash my hands after I changed your son's shitty diaper.  I didn't remember until I caught myself picking my teeth.  It wouldn't be so bad, except I put cream on him.  I totally touched his asshole with the fingers I had in my mouth.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem.

Poker face.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe