Men Aren't From Mars

Men aren't from Mars.  They're lazy, conniving jerks.  "Harsh!"  "Gosh, what man-hating vileness!"  Naw, I don't think so.  So here's the warning for anyone who might not like what I'm about to say (men).  I'm mad at everyone with a Y chromosome today and it's not going to get better until I get it off my chest.

This just has to be the oldest con in recorded history and, personally, I'm tired of perpetuating it.  If you perceive the Bible to have recorded the beginning of human history, then the first example of this was when Adam was too damn lazy to get his own frickin' food and sent Eve out to stumble upon the forbidden fruit.  I'm sure in the Adam and Eve house after that day, there was a lot of guilt-tripping going on.  "Well, Eve, you did get us kicked out of paradise.  The least you could do for a homeless fella is gather up some food."  The guilt was, most likely passed down through generations.

At some point, we started making excuses for men.  This thing or that thing ended up being "a guy thing."  (Funny how "guy things" are fun, involve lots of beer and little actual labor.)  So women worked hard to take care of all the cooking, cleaning, baby-raising because "it's just not a guy thing."

Well, then some lame-brain mad scientist had to go blame it on the way their brain works.  Shenanigans! No one really knows how the brain works.  There are a lot of awesome theories and general mapping locked down, sure, but I don't want to hear another yo-yo tell me which mental focuses are more or less likely to occur based on gender.  Again, shenanigans!!  (It might actually be true, but I just really like the word 'shenanigans'.)

Let's take a look at some of these myths:

Myth #1: Men aren't nurturing.

I particularly hate this one.  Men may not get all weepy and huggy like women do, but that doesn't mean that they don't care and are incapable of the patience or desire to help support others.  'Nurturing' is defined as:

–verb (used with object)

1.	to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.

2.	to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.

3.	to bring up; train; educate.

–noun

4.	rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.	development: the nurture of young artists.

6.	something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

(dictionary.reference.com)

Other than the words 'support' and 'encourage', I don't see anything in the definition that would indicate a required sense of compassion.  Men provide for their families all the time.  They occasionally have the heavier hand in raising children.  A good many men are educators; and extraordinary amount of coaches are men.

So, in Myth #1, you may now substitute the phrase: "Men aren't nurturing." for the more appropriate: "[Said man] does not want to deal with either your whiny ass or the day-to-day care of any applicable children."  This is a much more accurate statement, but I will concede that it is much, much longer.  It's probably the real reason that the "men aren't nurturing" myth prevails.  It's easier to say.

Myth #2: Men need detailed instruction.

They're not mind-readers you know!  While the mind-reader thing is not untrue, the part about the needing the detailed instruction is false to the 4th power.

Men don't need detailed instruction, so much as they want it.  There are a few reasons for this: 1) it lends them a convenient excuse not to have done some necessary thing; 2) they want women to set the parameters, so they can look for loopholes to get what they want.  It's actually devilishly clever.

Myth #3: Men are bad listeners.

Take it from me, nothing can be farther from the truth.  Men are actually some of the best listeners, because they're also fixers.  So, instead of a sympathetic cluck in your ear and a pat on your shoulder, you're going to get some solutions that might just take care of your problems.  This is why I tend to befriend either dudes or chicks who think like dudes.

No, when men aren't listening to you, it's the same reason that I'm not listening to you: because they frankly have no interest in what you're saying.  You're boring the shit out of them.

So, really when this is done, the man-hating was kept at a minimum, but I don't feel like choking anything with a penis anymore.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

Awkwardness

Today I learned that doing my job formally is much, much easier than doing it informally.  As a part of my job, I often coach other people in my position.  I routinely visit them in their offices and assist them with their work.  I also audit their work.

Last month, I was asked by my manager to do this in an informal (undocumented, unofficial) capacity at one of our other offices.  When my purpose is set with the corporate knowledge that I'm going into a place to look at their processes, review their forms and guide their management accordingly, it's a cinch. 

I am armed with the tools that I need to do the job properly: checklists, information packets, samplings of appropriate forms and examples of completed work.  I had none of those things today. 

It was explained to me by my manager that my purpose would be to exclusively run through our Policy Audit point by point and mark any discrepancies.  When I called the subject of today's scrutiny, she had forgotten that I was coming over and had no idea why I was there.

So I have to ask: why was I there again?  She obviously didn't ask for my help.  I wasn't scheduled to be there.  Her claimed to be interested in hearing what I would have to say, but he wasn't even there. 

What a waste of time.  Since she doesn't care that I'm even there or not, today just ended up as an excuse to hang out at her office.  I looked at some of her forms and could understand why her manager would be concerned, but he obviously wasn't concerned enough to make an appearance.  She certainly doesn't give a rat's ass that she's screwing her job up, so why waste my breath?

Next time an 'opportunity' to embark on this type of assignment comes around, I will respectfully decline.  Either that, or respectfully catch the 24-hour flu.

"Knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe